Daft Angel
by Kaworu Naha ga bisa
Summary: We all know that it's not Adam that's in Geofront, but Lilith. So, what will happen when one of them managed to become one with Lilith? Answer: Very... different kind of Instrumentality. One shot (or not?)


A/N: Allright. This part of Eva plot just made my head confused. I mean, how did the angels never detected that it's not Adam that's inside the Geofront? Also, Kaworu stopped his task once he found out that it's not Adam, so it meant that whatever that Kaworu and the other angels want to become once they initiated their own Instrumentality, it will never happen if they become one with Lilith instead. So i made this one-shot to make fun of their stupidity.

* * *

"The fifth Angel is now on sight!"

"Unit-01 is ready to launch!" Said Makoto.

"Allright. Let's see the detail of this octahedral creep first...Wait. Ritsuko, is that-"

"Two humanoid creatures with helmet on the top of the Angel? Yes."

"What are they doing out there?" Said Misato. She's ready to get some Yebisu once she saw this insanity.

 _Television...Rules the nation._

"The thing can talk?"

"This is new, Rits. Hey. Kinda catchy, the talk, if you ask me."

"Be serious, Captain. This thing could've been the most dangerous angel we faced yet."

 _Television...Rules the nation._

"Hmm...i think i heard this from a song before."

"So...we faced an angel who also a musician that stole music from the others?"

"Probably, Rits. And it got a good taste, too. Look at the leather jacket! Man, they look hot!"

"...I told you to take this matter more serious, Captain. And stop drinking those beer!"

 _Television...Rules the nation._

 _Around the world!_

"Holy shit!"

"It's Daft Punk!"

"My favorite DJs are angel?"

Everybody looked at Rei, who, yes, just said that last sentence.

"...It explains everything."

 _Meanwhile, in Gendo's room_

"This is not in the scenario, Fuyutsuki."

"Well, at least we know that Rei has good taste."

"I don't think so. Her angelic heritage must be screwed her perception regarding everything, including music. Why else would she thought i'm the closest one to her when she lives in the crappiest apartment that i build for that purpose alone? Why else would she still happy to see me after i put her as a pawn to duped my son while she's still gravely injured? Why else she never locked her door? Why else would she became a vegetarian for no reason at all?"

"But Daft Punk's really good, Gendo. And is that plot holes that you're talking about?"

"deadmau5 is better. No. Just nitpicking."

"No, he's not!"

"Yes, he is!"

"No, he's not!

 _Television...Rules the nation._

 _Around the world!_

"High energy level detected from the angel!"

"Misato! Stop dancing around and launch the EVA now! The song's epic part is not even started yet!" Said Ritsuko, even with the fact that she just reached for some of those Yebisu too.

"You know the song, Rits? I thought you said before that DJs are untalented hacks."

"Just launch the damn thing!"

 _Television...Rules the nation._

 _Around the world!_

"...This is weird, Misato."

"Just focus on defeating it, Shinji."

"Well, since it's only some DJ, i hope the fight will be much easier than before. I always hurt by them. It always hurt..."

"Goddamit, Shin-chan! Stop moping around and just pummel that angel into oblivion!" At this point, everybody began to get their own Yebisu as well.

 _Television...Rules the nation._

 _Around the world! All the world! All the world! All the world!_

"I...i can't stop dancing!"

"Me too, Maya."

"Shinji! What the hell are you doing! Stop doing breakdance right now!"

"The EVA is moving by itself, Doctor Akagi! I can't control it!"

"Damn! That EVA can bust out some sick moves! Go for it, boy! WOOHOO!"Said Misato, as she dancing on the pool. Shigeru and Makoto were throwing their money on her.

 _All the world! All the world! All the world! All the world!_

"Yes, he's!

"No, he's-Hey!"

"What's happening on the terminal Dogma? And Fuyutsuki! Stop dancing like a dog want to take a dump"

"Lilith...it can't be..."

 _All the world! All the world! All the world! All the world!_

"Another angel activity has been detected in Terminal Dogma."

"And the Unit-00 just moving by it's own!"

"What the hell is going on here?" Ritsuko screamed and clunching her fist that wrapped her hair.

 _All the world! All the world! All the world! All the world!_

"It can shoot lightning lasers?"

"I musn't run away...i musn't run away..."

"Shinji, how can you run away if you also forced to dance around here?"

"Shut up! This's my way to cope with my insecurity thanks to that bastard of my father!"

"The second angel just attached itself into Unit-00!"

 _All the world! All the world! All the world! All the world!_

"EVA-00 and...the mutilated angel just reached the surface."

"Rei! What the hell is wrong with you?!"

"Around the world, aaaaround the woooorld oh!"

"ARGHHHH! Rei has been assimilated!"

 _All the world! All the world! All the world! All the world!_

"The lightning's mesmerizing. They are so.. psychedelic. Yes. It's so beautiful. More beautiful than when Kaji gave me some of that Mary Jane..."

"...What?"

"Shut up. We're doomed anyway, Rits."

 _Work it. Make it. Do it. Makes us!_

 _Around the world! Around the world! Aaround the woooorld!_

 _Harder! Better! Faster! Stronger! (Misato's favorite quartet of words, LOL.)_

And so, the Third Impact, was happened. It was an inevitable end for humanity. Humans, now helpless to reject itself from the assimilation, has been changed into one unity. They now took the form of...

Robots?

The sight was uncanny, and somehow very strange...and shiny. But it's the truth for the future of the humanity. Everybody wore a leather jacket and jeans. The males now wore Bangalter's helmet, while the females got De-Homem Christo's instead.

The world...has been changed into Daft Punks.

"Well, Rits..."

"Yeah?"

"This's not that bad."

"Yeah. You're right. Imagine if it's the fourth angel instead. Humanity will be changed into..."

"Tentacle monsters? Giant dildos?"

"Yeah."

With the imagination of everyone became talking dildos, everybody in the NERV laughs, even Shinji, who just thought that everything has been a waste of time, money and pain. Who knew that letting the angel win would just turned everyone into copycats of the angels? Definitely better than being turned into some kind of orange juice or stranded in wasteland with nothing but orange juice that may or may not made from human beings...

 _Meanwhile, inside Unit-00_

Rei Ayanami was always a strange girl. A complete shut out in social structure, with very pale skin, red eyes and repressed desire for slight touch of humanity, she was always...inhuman, despite her otherwise exotic looks. Her enigmatic presence has become a topic for anyone around her life. Everybody has made rumors and jokes regarding the poor girl, from her being an alien to being an imperfect clone of Commander Ikari's long dead wife.

If they knew that their jokes nearly strike the truth, they will be committed into insane asylum ward anyway.

And with the truth that every Eva fans and haters should've know, it should be convenient that she would took a different form from the others after the assimilation as well.

And she was not amused by it.

"...I hate deadmau5...", as she rubbed her new pair of mouse ears.

 _Meanwhile, in Gendo's office._

"Well, this is..."

"New?"

"Yes, new. Come to think about it, why the angels never realized that it's not Adam that's on the Geofront, Gendo?"

"Because they're stupid."

"...Stupid?"

"They're animal, Kozo. Animals are much more stupid than human. Even the smartest one like Chimpanzee never know on how to fucking sew their own clotches."

"I see. But how about their instinct?"

"Don't talk about the plot hole...again."

"Sorry, Ikari."

"It's okay, Sub-Commander. So, anyway...you want to become human again?"

"Of course!"

 _And so, Electroma happened._


End file.
